Things not to do In Tar Valon
by West-Wanderer
Summary: The are some things it is wiser not to do in the White Tower, as some Aes Sedi are about to learn - the hard way...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note - I've been trying to write this story for a while, but I could only think stuff up at about 1'clock AM, and would forget to write it down. And thus, I would forget it. I finally remembered to write some of it down, and here it is! The wheel of time needs more humor!

Disclaimer - I don't own the wheel of time

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><p>A list appeared, pinned to the wall of the common-room outside the kitchen. Someone had used the power to carve a nook in the wall next to it, to hold an inkwell and several quills.<p>

It looked like an ordinary announcement. The title showed it was not. It read ….

Things not to do in Tar Valon

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><p>1. Do not, under any circumstances, hide Sudan's mounted fish. It tees her off.<p>

_Half the tower quaked in fear, and the other half giggled helplessly as Aldric calmly followed his __Aes Sedai__,__ holding the fish behind his back._

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><p>2. The weave for paint is now forbidden.<p>

_An accepted __named __Alire__ had recently discovered the weave for paint. And shown it to the Amyrlin herself._

_**Before**__ discovering a weave for a paint-can_

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><p>3. You are not permitted to throw stew over the side of the white tower.<p>

_The greens had tried to launch an assault on the tower when a bowl of green stew bombed one of their number._

_They gave up when they found out it was only a warder, trying to clean a brown's study – or because the offended person remembered that beef stew is not naturally green in color..._

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><p>4. You cannot still insane trees<p>

_Moiraine __really didn't want to know_

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><p>5. Warders are not to be run up flagpoles.<p>

_Neven, a prank - hearted green, had bundled up her warder and his bed, and sent him up the flagpole._

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><p>6. Aes Sedai are not to be run up flagpoles.<p>

_Neven's warder was better at pranks than she was._

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><p>7. Do not put inflatable Myrddraal in the kitchens<p>

_One Aes__ Sedai, one strong angreal, one inflatable shadowspawn – the kitchens would need MANY repairs._

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><p>8. Inflatable Trolloc in the warder barracks are not funny.<p>

_One of the warders, a big, solid fellow named__ Didanes had hit the door without bothering to open it. The whole side of the building fell off._

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><p>9. What did I say about paint!<p>

_Bale-paint. A stream of light that made the sun look dark, and covered anything it touched in paint. Greens were having a lot of fun with the new weave._

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><p>11. There is no such thing as the <span>U<span>rple Ajah

_Neven __Sedai looked at the list, tugged her pink-and-purple fringed shawl closer about her, and went back to her nefarious plans._

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><p>12 . The Amyrlin is to be informed in advance of any bale-paint wars.<p>

_Moiraine took one look at the green, yellow, and purple tower, and decided she had pressing business in andor._

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><p>13. Never tell the Amyrlin who hid her fish<p>

_Poor Aldric was trying to clean every hall in the tower with a tooth-brush._

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><p>14. And if you do, don't tell him you told on him.<p>

_Alire had opened her big mouth. The next day she found all the dust in the white tower on her floor._

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><p>15. Note to those using the dream Ter'angreal. We do not have an over-fond dream detector!<p>

_So that was why Verin looked so strangely at the Amyrlin _

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><p>16. Do not bale-paint a warder's sword.<p>

_Several of the novices could not look at a warder without screaming and running._

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><p>17. If you send someone to root out the Urples, make sure they aren't Urple.<p>

_And the next day, the Amyrlin found her wardrobe was all a particular shade of purplish pink._

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><p>18. "If in doubt, blow it up." Is not the green's official motto.<p>

…_.no matter WHAT the warders said._

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><p>19. Nor is "Never let a person get a night's sleep." The official motto of the blues.<p>

… _Every warder agreed with that one._

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><p>20. Who came up with "If it looks askance at you, still it?" We don't have warders!<p>

_Underneath was scribbled "Says the woman who tried to still a fruit tree."_

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><p>21. Do not cook with fireballs!<p>

_Dalen had only just got over destroying the kitchen. Then she had decided to try cooking, without the proper weave. The cooks will still scraping stew off the roof when the age of legends came again. _

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><p>22. Do not run through the hallways shouting "The Urples are coming. The Urples are coming!"<p>

_Everyone had been so busy hiding their stuff and finding good defensive positions, that it took them awhile to realize what the prank had been! No-one wanted to admit they had fallen victim to the great Urple scare._

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><p>Rule 23. do not bale-paint the Amyrlin's fish!<p>

_The Urples hid, the __Amyrlin stormed, shouted and swore, and Moiraine giggled._

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><p><em>If you have an idea for a joke, send me a review and tell me. I have some ideas for a second chapter entitled "things not to do in the stone of tear", and i may or may not write it, depending on reviews. <em>


	2. Chapter 2

The inspiration for another chapter came together, but "things not to do in the stone of tear" has been delayed. Maybe the next chapter- I don't know. But the bale-paint is still flying up at Tar Valon, so let us return there first.

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><p>24. balefiring a pond is not a permissible way to catch fish<p>

_Tamrila Sedai had thought it rather inventive. A certain fisherman's daughter did not. _

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><p>25. bale-pranking is formally banned!<p>

_The weave that caused a person to spontanioulsy loose their hair, change colors, or shout random nonsesse at any time in the past few hours was... disturbing. More disturbing was that the rule appeared to be endorsed by the_ amyrlin_ and at least three of the forsaken. _

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><p>26. do not bale-prank a flagpole.<p>

_The screaming, psychedelic, hair-growing flagpole was not something anyone wanted to remember_

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><p>27. the sportsmanlike fishing society of tar valon may only be one woman, but she has an <em>angreal<em>

_...and a temper – don't forget temper! _

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><p>28. Cadsuane's Ter'angreal may not be used as fishing bait!<p>

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><p>29. Bale-painting boats is not a good idea<p>

_mad sea folk were no fun to be around._

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><p>30. do we need to put warning labels on fireballs?<p>

_Dalen _Sedai_ had walked around a corner at the same instant as a warder, jumped three feet in the air, and almost took the side off the tower. _

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><p>31. Pinning a "still me" sign on someone's back is not funny.<p>

_Besides, said someone may be able to bale-prank. _

_The sight of a warder being chased by a insane parchment was very funny though. _

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><p>32. The next Urple to hold a yard-sale in the browns quarters will be stilled! And bale-painted! And baile-pranked!<p>

_Neven Sedai had great fun, till she became the first person in the history of the white tower to be chased around the city by an entire ajah. _

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><p>32. Bale-pranking a warder's sword is...<p>

_the responsible person apparently didn't have time to finish the sentence._

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><p>33. Never, ever, bale prank Lan.<p>

_The sight of of the last king __of Malkier, char__ging after a hysterical novice while shouting "floofle" and turning orange was not something many people believed they saw... or wished they had seen. _

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><p>34. Telling the Novices that all hourglasses are evil and should be immediately destroyed with balefire is not acceptable.<p>

_The worst part was, most of them had believed it._

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><p>35. Who taught the Novices how to Bale-Paint?<p>

_The __Amyrlin__'s own handwriting was reduced to an angry scrawl, flecked with bits of paint._

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><p>36. Please refrain from importing unknown beverages.<p>

_Kealan Sedai (of the brown ajah-and the Urple) had imbibed a surprising amount of an imported alcoholic substance and attempted to Balefire the moon. Fortunately, she missed by quite a bit._

_The pigeons of Tar Valon now had a blood-feud with her._

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><p>37. The water-balloon fight with the Warders never happened.<p>

_It had actually been funny until someone had gotten into the paint. The Warders had responded in kind._

_Twenty warders and fifteen Aes Sedi had ended up looking like they belonged to the whitewarsh ajah._

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><p>38. It is not funny to weave fire behind someone and then startle them into backing up.<p>

_Neven Sedi had repeated a few words that her Warder had never heard before._

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><p>39. The weave for Doom-glue is never to be seen again, understand?<p>

_They had taken to calling it that after discovering how difficult it was to un-stick something that was stuck together with that weave._

_Kealan Sedai thought it was enormously funny. Her Warder, who would rather not be adhered to a fence post, did not._

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><p>40. Doom-gluing people to the ceiling- just no.<p>

_...with the tar valon fishing commission out of the way though..._

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><p>41. DO NOT BALE-PRANK THE RIVER!<p>

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><p>Well, there's the next chapter. If you have any ideas for a joke, send a review and let me know!<p> 


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